I know you're listening...

Dear God,
I'm mad at you. I'm hurt and confused and you put me here, and that makes me angry. I'm angry because I trust you, and because that trust is what is making me hurt right now. I'm angry because you said no instead of yes-- I would've loved a yes.
Last time I knew it was my fault. I knew you saved me, I knew that it was going to be a painful process and it would require a lot of healing. I knew that I had gotten myself in that position by pretending I was in control and denying your help. I accepted the feelings and I lived each excruciating day moment by moment.
This time, I don't feel that pain. It's different. It's considerably less. It's mixed with gratitude and relief and acceptance. I know that you answered my prayers. I know that you did it because you have something better in store. I know that it's how you want it to be, and that you will do great things with it.
But it hurts. And I don't know how to cope with it hurting in this way. How do I hurt and heal in a way that will glorify you? I can't go get drunk at a party (tempting as it is) because I've felt the emptiness in that and I know it'll still hurt, and I can't go get attention from other guys (tempting as it can be) because I know that none of them compare. I know that he was/is better than them, that You are better than everything, and longer lasting. And this makes me mad. What the flip God??
I'm telling you this because I know you can handle it. I hear you telling me to bring it on, throw it all at you, you can take it and will be there regardless. I tell you this hoping that you'll give me something I can work with. I tell you this because I have to, or I'll go crazy. I still trust you.
Just make it go away God.