and my heart hurts.
I have just been in a bad, sad mood lately and I don't know why. I need to write my essay for grad school, but I have no motivation. I can see myself working out in my head and I love it, but then making myself actually go is a bajillion times harder than it should be. Thankfully I'm feeling a bit more confident at work, which is a good thing- I had been feeling so discouraged and just horrible at my job that being there and interacting with people felt like torture. God gave me 2 Timothy 1:8 though (for the millionth time in my life) and it was just what I needed. "God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power, of love, and self control." So for the past week, work has been better.
I feel so needy. And I hate feeling needy. I feel selfish and unwilling to bend; I don't know how my family and Matt have been able to stand me lately. When I'm around Matt I feel like I'd rather be at home- and then at home I don't do anything. I feel jealous at times, and while I recognize that I shouldn't be, I still feel like I'd really like someone to affirm my reasons for feeling this way. To tell me that I'm not crazy, or just a horrible person.
Slump...I'd like to be done with you. Thanks. Oh and don't bother coming back. I have a hard enough time loving who I am on my own. Bah!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
My brain hurts...
Posted by Lauren Elise at 5:00 PM
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4 comments:
I feel so needy. And I hate feeling needy. I feel selfish and unwilling to bend; ...I feel jealous at times, and while I recognize that I shouldn't be, I still feel like I'd really like someone to affirm my reasons for feeling this way. To tell me that I'm not crazy, or just a horrible person.
So all of this, strangely enough, is what I've been feeling lately! I read Psalm 119...8 verses a day for the 20-somewad days it takes, and was reminded time and time again it is about keeping His precepts no matter what. Psalm 119:69 stuck out to me in light of last year in the condo...but there is so much more! Yet still, I've felt these things...we should catch up soon!
Been there, felt that.
I can't remember how I got over it, but just take some time to do things that make you happy, or change it up by hanging out with different friends or trying new things.
You will, with God, get through it :)
emotional roller coasters are terrible. it's like someone suddenly decided to jumble every single one of your feelings around and now you've become this person that you can't stand, but also can't do anything about.
the good news is, i CAN stand you. and so can God. (okay, maybe God is a little more important than me in this instance)
just recently i was reading in the psalms somewhere and basically fell apart at the realization that I can't disappoint God. it's scary as heck to think that you're disappointing others and even yourself, but as far as God is concerned, through Christ, you are perfect.
and you can't disappoint Him.
I'm not sure if that applies to how you're feeling, but i just felt the need to share.
i love you to death, dear, dear friend.
Thank you ladies :) I love and miss all 3 of you tons!
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