Rough day

Man, today was challenging.
Last night I had a dream and my friend Brandon was in it. If anyone reading likes to analyze dreams, I'd love to hear your opinion. At one point I had picked up a friend of mine's phone (a girl I haven't been close with since 6th grade)and it was a newer one, the kind that allows you to turn the camera so that you can take a picture of yourself without turning the phone around. Anywho, I looked into it to take a picture and it was stuck,as if she had been taking a picture of Brandon before he died and it had stuck that way, so that he was still in the frame. I was positioning the phone so that it looked like Brandon and I were taking a picture together. He was smiling and his hair had the shaggy curls; he was always such a cutie. I went to position my hand so that it looked like I was touching his face, and when I did, I could actually feel him, solid and warm. The dream kept going and more people were trying to squeeze into the phone's camera frame. This time I put my arm around Brandon's shoulder and my hand landed just inside his unbuttoned collar. I could feel his solid shoulder and his collarbone, both warm and real as could be, as if he were alive and not just stuck in a camera phone.
Dreams like this always leave me a bit out of sorts in the morning. I ended up taking my journal to my overlook by the beach and talking to God awhile. The conviction I've been feeling lately about always glorifying myself, and letting fear stop me from moving forward was also bugging me. I wrote Brandon a quick note on some scrap paper and decided to get some coffee and head over to his crash site. That part was nice. Sad, obviously, but it felt comforting to do. I headed over to have coffee (this is Seattle!) with the friend that I mentioned in an earlier blog, and was just praying that I would use this opportunity to just really listen, and that I'd take the chance to apologize for being more focused on myself than I should've been. The meeting was good,and I was able to apologize and practice listening and being supportive. She told me some exciting developments in her relationship which I truly am happy about for her! But it was challenging for me to process in light of where matt and I currently are. Again, making it about me. But sometimes it's just...impossible not to process
something without thinking about it personally. So, factor in some confusion and tears, and you have me, mid-afternoon.
The day wasn't over friends, no no. I ended my night going to my aunts to apologize for letting her down earlier this week. Im thankful for the chance to make 2 relationships right today, but I tell you, humility can be a tiring experience. :) I cried more about my relationship and more about Brandon, and then spent the last couple hours watching Dateline and then the Monkees, huddled under a blanket in the dark.
It was that kind of day, friends.